| I once read a fascinating, but all too | | | | saw something much different? Whether the |
| realistic, story about a woman who opened her | | | | person is a significant other or a female |
| closet door and out tumbled various pieces of | | | | acquaintance isn't this image a little |
| sporting equipment and memorabilia. | | | | unsettling? |
| | | | |
| While these possessions represented the last | | | | I don't believe most women are trying to fool |
| decade of her life, she didn't realize until | | | | a mate with smoke and mirrors, but I do fear |
| putting them all away that she felt no | | | | that many transform their lives to match |
| connection to anything in her closet. You | | | | their partner's because they don't yet know |
| see, this poor woman had put aside her own | | | | who they are, what their likes and dislikes |
| interests for the hobbies of a long line of | | | | are, or how to measure their goals and |
| significant others. Standing before her newly | | | | values. |
| straightened shelves, she recalled | | | | |
| relationships with Partner A in the water | | | | A staggering number of women in my divorce |
| skis, Partner B in the bicycle helmet, and | | | | workshops say, "I've given so much to my |
| Partner C with a paintball gun. She asked | | | | ex-husband and the family that I feel like |
| herself, "How could I have given up so much | | | | I'm left with nothing. I couldn't even tell |
| of myself so that nothing in my closet | | | | you my favorite color, or what I want for |
| reflects my own interests?" | | | | dinner." My heart immediately goes out to |
| | | | these women because years ago, their words |
| My simple answer is that she had a desire to | | | | were mine. |
| fit in and be accepted. It's a pretty safe | | | | |
| bet that if a woman wants to become her | | | | Sometimes help comes from the most unexpected |
| partner's ideal mate, she only needs to | | | | places. A few weeks ago, while preparing for |
| transform herself into that person. And it | | | | an appearance on an Orlando news program, I |
| happens … again, and again, and again. | | | | had to confront my comfortable pattern of |
| | | | downplaying my strengths. In the length of a |
| Still, we wonder, what does this cost her? | | | | short guest feature, I had to explain the |
| And, is it fair to her significant other? | | | | ways I help women, and why I'm good at my |
| Maybe, most importantly, we need to recognize | | | | work. This moment was significant for me, and |
| that following this plan of action leads her | | | | one I will remember every time I find myself |
| to never finding a true ideal mate. | | | | wanting to go back to that old habit of not |
| | | | being true to myself. |
| Like many of my coaching clients, I was | | | | |
| raised with the unspoken messages of not | | | | You can win in relationships and business by |
| asking for too much, and not being too vocal | | | | authentically knowing and being who you are, |
| about my strengths. As a result, this | | | | using the skills you bring to the table, and |
| upbringing and my need to be accepted after | | | | having a level of comfort that allows for |
| my divorce found me dating men who didn't | | | | flexibility and change. |
| require much from their partner. At the same | | | | |
| time, they didn't offer much, either. | | | | Women shortchange themselves by jumping into |
| | | | relationships before taking the time to fully |
| If you were looking for your ideal partner | | | | discover and appreciate themselves. They |
| today, would you really be interested in | | | | don't stop to think about the characteristics |
| someone whose only goal was to become your | | | | they desire in a partner. |
| vision of a good mate? Would you want to | | | | |
| spend time with someone who presented himself | | | | Are you looking for your ideal relationship? |
| one way, but after the curtain was drawn, you | | | | |